Trying to Own All of Myself


A co-worker asked if I had a boyfriend.  I said no.  She also asked if this was my only job. I said yes but I also write.

She’s a good kid.  Left work early because she needed to study for a math test.  A few weeks ago during a training meeting I said I had a migraine to get out of roll-playing, I did have a migraine, and she leaned over and asked if I was ok.  She always says hello when we meet in the break room.

I wish I had said, “No boyfriend and no girlfriend either,” and “My main story is about a trans woman fighting zombies.”  But I didn’t.  I held back.  I was scared to reveal too much.  I’m trying to not hide parts of myself anymore but it’s hard.

A week ago while we were clearing off a hanger rack, she asked how old I am.  I almost always ask the asker to guess.  It’s an easy ego boost for me since they usually say in the twenties.  When she asked I just said I was 35.  I felt good to just own my age like that.  I hope I can own more parts of myself as fully.

After I told her, she said she thought I was in my twenties, so I still got my little ego boost.

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