I watched Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. I know it’s old news and I’ve missed the boat to write anything original about this movie but I thought it would be fun to write down my reactions as I watched the movie. I am going to preface my reactions with a short review.
I’m tore about whether I like this movie or not. Superman is a weird Christ-like figure who is conflicted about being a Christ-like figure but doesn’t do anything to dispel that image of himself to the public. His mother tells him he’s can be the hero or not because he doesn’t owe people anything. A message that pairs nicely with the lesson his father tried to teach him last movie about letting kids drown in a bus to protect his secret.
As much as I hated Superman in this movie, I loved Batman just as much. Batman is shown to be the urban legend, almost supernatural being, and the World’s Greatest Detective. Alfred is a joy to watch interacting with him. This is the best Batman I have ever seen, not counting Batman the Animated Series. It’s very obvious that this was meant to be Batman’s movie and if Superman’s characterization had not been broody angst man, it would have been a truly excellent movie. As it is, Superman brings down the movie to just good enough.
Rating: 5/5 for Batman and 1/5 for Superman. Wonder Woman gets a 3/5 for showing up.
And now for my reactions: (beware of spoilers beyond this point)
Wow we are starting right with the Wayne’s funeral. Ok let’s do this. And right into Batman origin.
Very Spider-man 2 to do the origin during the opening credits.
Excalibur starts Wednesday, what year is it? (1981 apparently)
Baby Batman is flying.
Why didn’t Batman fly to Metropolis in the Batplane?
Jack Mr Wayne said to get out of the building.
Bruce Wayne running toward a falling building is making me care, I didn’t want to care about this movie.
Oh no the security guard’s legs are trapped. Do you lift Mr. Wayne? Bruce called the guard Wally. Bruce is the best boss.
Fuck, Bruce Wayne just made me hate Superman.
“Not even, I think, to god.” is a badly written line.
Just taking a bath with a bullet.
Superman doesn’t care? WTF?
The woman he loves. Didn’t they just met last movie?
“I’m just going to splash water all over your floor so the downstairs neighbors can complain about water leaking in their bathroom.”
Crawling on the ceiling like some sort of monster? This looks like an effective take on the Batman as urban legend.
Is this looks like the Worlds Greatest Detective Nolan didn’t give us?
Clark those eggs are over done.
Why would a Bat brand make other criminals kill you? Wouldn’t it be like a badge of super criminal status? “Check it out guys Batman branded me!”
Oh no, Wally turned bad.
They sculpted that useless pattern from Superman’s suit into his statue. Why?
Wally has been working out.
Mark Zuckerberg is great as Lex Luthor.
Wait, didn’t this woman want Superman to be accountable? Why wouldn’t she want a Kryptonite bullet?
Alfred complaining about Bruce not giving him grandkids is great.
Diana does not care about your mythology jokes, she knows the Gods.
Alfred really wants grandkids.
Diana is one step ahead of the boys.
Maybe you should put the girl in an ambulance not on the ground in the middle of a crowd?
Ok, why isn’t Neil Degrasse Tyson complaining about the scientific inaccuracies of Superman? Not the movie but complaining about Superman himself. “He can’t fly. He has no propulsion method. You can’t hover without exerting a downward force. If his skin was unbreakable, it would be too rigid to move.”
Stop hovering in the sunlight and save those people from the flood!
That’s right Perry no one wants to see Clark Kent vs Batman!
Ah, the old green light bulbs in the Lex Corp box trick.
These “Superman” soldiers really don’t know how to use their guns.
WTF? Prophetic dreams and a message from the future. Nice franchise hook in the middle of the movie.
Batman didn’t kill those men. The cars smashing together killed those men. Batman doesn’t kill. Cars kill.
Ok, Batman just flat out shot that SUV until it exploded and then he drove through the wreckage.
Those guys totally survived being crushed by the Batmobile. /sarcasm
Oh, wait they did? How?
Alfred is not going to be happy with how you brought the car home.
Mom will set Clark straight. Mom: “You don’t owe these people anything.” Wait, not like that.
Does Superman have to be patted down before entering the Capital?
Don’t just stand there in the flames Superman. Yes, you look cool but please do something.
Batman Workout Montage!
This Kyptonian ship has the worst safety protocols.
Walking around in a frozen wasteland, a Superman tradition.
Clark is straight up hallucinating his Dad.
Yep that’s Clark’s “don’t save people” dad.
Wow, Superman just threatened to break Lex. Dark brooding Superman is kind of a bad guy.
Kidnapping Martha is dirty pool even for Lex Luthor.
Superman that is not how you explain the situation!
More franchise hooks. A little heavy handed and they’re kind of slowing down the pace of the movie. Martha only had 37 minutes last time we checked.
Bruce only Superman gets to stand dramatically doing nothing.
Dramatic stand off! Who will move first? Probably not Superman.
In a shocking turn o events Superman makes the first move.
Wow, Clark you can’t just out another superhero like that.
Maybe try explaining the situation before shoving Batman fifty feet away.
Super “I’m gonna shove you through a building” Man really needs to work on his friend making skills.
Batman is kicking the shit out of Superman and I’m really ok with that.
Superman is a super jerk.
No, his parents taught him not to save drowning kids and he doesn’t owe the world anything.
What is wrong with this movie that Batman is a better person than Superman?
Really Clark if you had just led with, “My mom Martha is in trouble,” you wouldn’t have gotten beat down.
Wow, Lois you can’t just out Superman like that.
Something about the armored helmet makes Bruce’s cheeks look chubby.
World’s Greatest Detective folks. Finds Martha Kent in five minutes.
Batman doesn’t kill people. Grenades kill people.
Batman doesn’t kill people. Exploding flamethrowers, that he just shot, kill people.
Did Superman wait until the timer went off to bust in or was that just really good timing?
Why can the ship make monsters out of dead Kyrptonians?
Nice callout on the fight scene being empty.
Alfred is a gift.
Wow, straight to nukes. Not even going to see if Superman can handle it?
Another nice callout on no people being in the area.
Hope Batman can find the spear in that hole Lois dropped it in.
Ok we get it! There are no people in the area!
Does Superman know how to fight without smashing his enemies into buildings?
Wait, why is Lois going after the spear? How does she know it will do anything against this monster she just saw explode in the sky and crash to earth?
How the fuck does Superman know the plan?
Superman has learned a new move! Standing dramatically while using his eye lasers.
Fun fact: Lois Lane can hold her breath for ten minutes.
You know if Superman hadn’t been a jerk for the entire movie I might feel something during his goodbye to Lois. I feel nothing.
Not sure how having the Kryptonite tip sticking out the monster’s back is worse than having it actually being inside its body but ok.
Batman is going to take the body, right? Cause leaving Kryptonian corpses lying about is how you get more monsters. Do you want more monsters?
Ah, they’re going to hide Superman’s body in Clark Kent’s grave.
How is Bruce Wayne the voice of hope in a movie with Superman and Wonder Woman?
How did Batman get into the prison? Did the guards let him in? Where did those red lights come from?
Is Mack Zuckerberg intentionally pulling his eyebrows up with the bars?
Floating dirt is the worst tease for Superman coming back to life. Just don’t do anything. We know he’ll be back.
No after credits scene. Disappointing.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading.